I am a strong, fearless, independent, beautiful, badass woman.
That is until I am the only person who speaks English in an overflowing couples only Hungarian bathhouse. In just my bikini.
My body confidence these days can oscillate between a fuck yes Lizzo vibe to deciding if my bloated stomach is from the recent beer or a more permanent resident from weeks face deep in Oktoberfest steins/Burgundian wine/cheese platters & slabs of foie gras.
This is not to say every person at this bathhouse is an eastern european model, however it is painfully obvious that I am there alone and everyone else is attending with their lifelong partner, romantic lover, best friend, or siblings.
Now when I eat alone at a restaurant or dine at a bar, there are always the inevitable moments of anxiety that arise while trying to find a seat & get settled. After years of practice I have learned how to quell these nerves by relying on the familiar skills- studying the menu, asking the bartender their name, sharing a few quick jokes, self deprecation to break the ice, reading a book… you name it I’ve tried it.
However at this bath house – it’s as though my confidence challenge went from capable office rec league softball to way over my head starting pitcher for whoever is actually good this year in the MLB (haven’t been following so I’m sure I’ll get shit for this sooner or later).
I am aimlessly wandering the halls of this multiple story building filled with wellness baths, saunas, steam rooms, multiple thermal nooks, and a roofdeck pool that overlooks the Budapest skyline. Only issues… every sign is Hungarian, every person speaks a language that may as well be white noise to my novice brain, I can’t tell which rooms are co-ed, and I am alone trying to solve all of this in just a bikini. Oh also to note, most everyone had towels on or with them… Guess which b*tch forgot to bring cash for the rental??
Finally I discovered the right area. Not of course before putting an accidental half toe into the men’s room, squealing, and quickly turning (fast wet feet speed walking) away through any other door. In my error I happened upon a the Wellness room holding a mix of hot thermal pools and a cold dip pool (17*C). One sweet older Hungarian woman was soaking in the hot bath along with 5 other couples. She kept turning to anyone near her, pointed to her mouth and say SMILE while dawning one herself. Her vibe is exactly what I needed in this stress induced panic… Also yes I am likely one of the only people who managed to get stressed in a bathhouse.
Finally she heads over to the cold pool filled with a few more Hungarian men who have truly enjoyed their years of meat only Hungarian diet. I wanted to try the cold pool dips but I actually didn’t fully understand the protocol or how long you stay in it to really see the wellness effects.
At this moment I chose to leverage strength from prior life experiences when facing any form of new, uncomfortable, or likely embarrassing scenario. Examples include tryouts for the boys town soccer team in middle school, secretly fainting on the first day of culinary school, running an executive briefing, eating alone anywhere, etc.
Internal dialogue:
“Well Kylie, you already feel like a complete idiot being at this bath-house solo. May as well give it a shot and see where you land. Good news is you’ve embarrassed yourself way worse so at least the bar is set low!” (more of those stories in future)
So off I went strutting to the cold pool & on in I dipped with a fake confidence only an American can pull off. The large men turned to me, held up the number 5, then pointed at the water. Apparently you have to stay in for 5 minutes or they judge you for being weak. What they didn’t realize just yet is I’m extremely competitive & I feel more uncomfortable in hot baths than cold. At the 6 minute mark I had now made three new Hungarian friends – well the 5 words we could share – and the smiling older woman treating me like one of their own. Thankfully this was not a Pálinka (40-70 abv fruit brandy) drinking contest because that is a competition I am sure to lose with this crowd.
If you are willing to allow yourself to look like an idiot in moments of discomfort and give it a try anyways, that is when you open yourself up to the possibility of a truly memorable experience & pathway for connection. Also if you do end up eating shit or walking into the wrong bathroom or fainting somewhere completely inappropriate… it makes you more human. Something I believe everyone craves more of these days. A key that can help you and others open doors to special connections & memories – half naked or not.
Or you look like a complete jackass. But makes for a good story and everyone needs a good laugh. Win – Win!